크리스마스라
마음이 몽글몽글해져서
이런 저런 것을 보던 중에
노벨 물리학상을 받은 세계 석학인
리차드 파인만이 아내가 세상을 떠난 지 16개월 후, 아내에게 쓴 사랑의 편지를
읽게 되었어요.
요즘같이 사랑이라는 감정이 거의 사라져가고
아니 사랑이라는 말이 촌스럽게 느껴질 정도로
희미해져가는 시대에서
너무나 유명한 과학자가 죽은 부인에게 쓴 사랑의 편지를 읽으니까
신기하고 새롭고 따뜻하고
진정한 사랑이란 것이 이런 거구나~라는 감정이 느껴지네요.
저도 영어를 잘 해석하지 못하지만
그냥 읽어 내려가도
리차드 파인만이 부인을 얼마나 사랑했는지 느껴지더라구요.
October 17, 1946
D'Aline,
I adore you, sweetheart.
I know how much you like to hear that - but I dont only write it because you like it - I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write to you.
It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you - almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense
to writing.
But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.
I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead - but I still want to comfort and take care of you - and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you - I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together - or learn Chinese - or getting a movie projector.
Can't I do something now? No.I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and
general instigator of all our wild adventures.
When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted
to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried.
Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true - you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else - but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.
I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and
don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years.
But you can't help it, darling, nor can I - I don't understand it, for I have many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone - but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes.
You only are left to me.
You are real.
My darling wife, I do adore you.
I love my wife. My wife is dead.
Rich.
PS Please excuse my not mailing this - but I don't know your new address.