영어말하기 대회 원고 - 수정해주세요(시간이 촉박합니다)

[초등맘]

아이가 초등4학년인데 영어듣기 평가를 100점 이면 말하기 대회에 출전한다고 합니다.
아이가 학원을 다니지 않기 때문에 어디에 물어 볼 곳이 없어서 여기 올려봅니다.
참고로 4학년 아이가 한글로 쓴 글을 영어로 옮겼어요.

My favorite thing.

Hello! everyone. My name is kim dong hun. I am going to forth grade third class  elementary school.
Today I will tell you about my favorite things. please listen carefully.
I like "Samulnori" very much so I'm learning about them.
Samulnori is Korean instruments. There are K'kwaenggwari, Buk, Jang-gu and Ching.
K'kwaenggwari is sound like thunderbolt, Buk is sound like cloud, Jang-gu is sound like rain and Ching is sound like wind
I'm learning Buk and Jang-gu at the donghae folk art center. We're teams are all teenger.
Buk is easy to play. But I have a pain in my hands. I'm practicing hard at Jang-gu because it's hard for me to play.
older sisters are playing k'kwaenggwari and elementary students are playing other instruments.
In May 6th, my team members went to play 'samulnori' on stage. It was not big stage but I'm nervous. We're show was first. That melody was called 'youngnam samulnori'.
In that time my heart beatted. My hand was painful when I play Buk. But I hold it. And I do it very well. Many people clap at us when we're show was over. We're team members are so proud of themselves.
I will join the show in July. I'll play Big Buk that play straight with two stick.
It's exciting and very active playing. I like it very much.
I like Korean sound. I'll continue practicing the "Samulnori" to show Korean Music.

[...]

학교 선생님께 여쭈어보면 봐 주시지 않을까요? 교내경연대회가 아닌 이상 제 주변에서는 그리 많이 하던데요...

[-.-]

4학년 3반이라고 말하고 싶은것 같은데, 제가 모르고 하는 소리인지
모르겠지만, 외국은 대개 반을 두는것이 아니기 때문에 지금 사용하신
forth grade third class는 옳은 표현이 아닌것 같습니다.

그냥 forth grade라 하시라 말씀 드리고 싶네요.

Please listen carefully, 는 글쎄요, 조금 명령조인 느낌이 드네요,
다른 표현으로 바뀌어 주심이 어떨까요?

음, 한글 표현이 없어 뭐를 어떻게 번역 하셨는지 모르겠지만,

몇몇 표현상 부드럽지 않은 부분도 있지만, 그건 한글원본이
없기에 그냥 넘어가고, (그리고 사물놀이가 한국 악기인가요?)

is sound like가 아닌 sounds like 입니다, is 빼십시오,

We're teams are all teenager가 아닌 All memeber of our team
are teenagers 아닌가요? 우리 팀은 다 청소년들이다?

I'm practicing hard at Jang-gu because it's hard for me to play
표현이 잘못된것 같은데 한글 문장이 뭔지 모르니...

Older sisters가 친척이 아닌 그냥 같은 팀의 누나라는 의미면,
그냥 Senior students라 하심이 좋을것 같고...

We're show was first
표현이 잘못된것 같은데 한글 문장이 뭔지 모르니...

That melody was called 'youngnam samulnori'.
이것또한 옳은 표현이 아닌것 같아요.

헉 죄송 지금 급한 일로... 제가 나가봐야 하는데

마지막 문장도 고치셔야 할곳이 군데 군데 있네요...

더 자세히 말씀 못드려 죄송합니다만, 주위에 영어선생님
혹은 영어 잘하시는 분에게 부탁드려야 하실것 같아요.

[막내이모]

침묵하겠지요.
쥐들은 무슨짓을 다해도 되니까..

[막내이모]

이제야 올려졌네요. 휴~ 어렵다~
저의 짧은 지식으로 한거니 완벽하다고 할 순 없구요. 동사과거시제나 소유격으로 조금씩 바꿨구요.
님 아이 너무 잘 썼어요. 자기 표현 잘했구요. 이 부분들만 약간 가르쳐주시면 완벽할 꺼 같아요.
님 아이 대회가서 잘할꺼예요. 제가 대견스럽네요.ㅋㅋ(제가 약간 부담..ㅋㅋ)

[막내이모]

My favorite things.

Hello! everyone. My name is kim dong hun. I am in third class of the forth grade.
Today I will tell you about my favorite things. please listen to me carefully.
I like "Samulnori" very much so I'm learning about it.
Samulnori is a performance of Korean instruments. There are K'kwaenggwari, Buk, Jang-gu and Ching.
K'kwaenggwari sounds like thunderbolt, Buk sounds like cloud, Jang-gu sounds like rain and Ching sounds like wind.
I'm learning Buk and Jang-gu at the donghae folk art center. Our team members are all teenger.
Buk is easy to play. But I have a pain in my hands. I'm practicing hard in Jang-gu because playing Jang-gu is difficult for me.
Upper students are playing k'kwaenggwari and other students are playing other instruments.
On May 6th, my team members went to play 'samulnori' on stage. It was not a big stage but I was nervous. Our show was the first turn on the show. When I heard calling 'youngnam samulnori', my heart beat fast. My hand was painful when I played Buk. But I tried to hold it. And I did it very well. Many people clapped at us when our show was over. Our team members were so proud of ourselves.
I will join another show in July. I'll play Big Buk with two stick.
It's exciting and very active playing. I like it very much.
I like Korean music. I'll continue practicing the "Samulnori" to show how beautiful Korean Music is.

[초등맘]

빠른 답변 감사드립니다

[어어~]

이 정도 교정봐주시는 거면 ...첨삭료라도 드려야 할 것 같네요...
제 일도 아니지만.. 참 감사하네요....
사실 어디다 맡기면 돈줘야해주는 일인데...^^ 대단하십니다.

[뿔테안경]

저도 고쳐봤어요.

My favorite things.

Hello! everyone. My name is Kim Dong Hun. I am in third class of the forth grade.
Today I will tell you about my favorite things. I hope you will like my story.
I like "Samulnori" very much and I'm learning about it everyday.
Samulnori is a performance of Korean instruments. It's composed of four instruments including,
K'kwaenggwari, Buk, Jang-gu and Ching.
K'kwaenggwari sounds like thunder, Buk sounds like cloud, Jang-gu sounds like rain and Ching sounds like wind.
I'm learning Buk and Jang-gu at Donghae folk art center. Our team members are all teengers.
Buk is easy to play, but my hands are hurt when I'm playing. I'm practicing hard in Jang-gu because
playing Jang-gu is difficult for me.
Senior students are playing k'kwaenggwari and younger students are playing other instruments.
On May 6th, my team went to play 'samulnori' on the stage. It was not a big stage but I was nervous.
Our performance was the first stage on the show. We played 'Youngnam Samulnori", and my heart beat fast.
My hands were painful when I played Buk, but I tried to hold it. And I played it very well.
Many people clapped at us when our show was over. Our team members were so proud of ourselves.
I will join another show in July. I'll play Big Buk with two sticks.
It's very exciting and I'm looking forward to the upcoming show.
I like Korean music. I'll continue practicing "Samulnori" to learn how beautiful Korean Music is.

[정말..]

어짜피 싸이버상이라 인사는 어렵지만 시간내어 봐준 사람에게 인사가 좀..
빠른 답변 감사드립니다 달랑 이 한줄에 제가 더 무안하지네요..ㅠ.ㅠ
저두 어어~ 님처럼 같은 마음인가 봅니다..

[초등맘]

다른 그렇게 보여질수도 있겠네요. 저는 감사의 표시를 한다는 것이 성의 없는 답변이 되었군요.
아이를 영어학원에 보내지 않고 집에서 공부를 했기 때문에 이걸 들고 학원에 가기도 그렇고, 교내
대회이기 때문에 학교선생님께 여쭈어 보기도 좀 그래서..
이원고는 중3인 큰 딸이 영어로 쓴 글입니다. 이걸 학교 선생님께 수정을 봐 달라고 해서 가지고
오기로 했는데 학교 선생님께서 바빠서 못해주신다고 하셔서 그냥 왔어요.
그래서 바쁜 마음에 여기 올리게 되었습니다.
막내 이모님, 뿔테 안경님 감사드립니다.