간단한 내용 영작..내용 맞는지 봐주실수 있을까요?

[satirev]

외국인에게 간단한 영작문을 보내야 하는데..
제가 작성한 내용이 맞을지 확신이 없네요ㅠㅠ
점검 한번만 부탁드려요ㅜㅜ

안녕하세요, 000회사의 회계담당자 000입니다.
강의료 지급을 위해, 귀하의 외국인등록번호를 이 메일로 회신해 주십시오.
개인정보는 업무처리 후 바로 삭제하겠습니다.
감사합니다.

Hello
This is 000 in charge of accounting in 회사명
To pay for the tuition fee(11/27), Plese let us know youd Foreign Registration Number.
We will delete your personal information When payment is completed.
Thank you

[Zzr]

Dear ( ),
This is account manager XXX at YYY company.
I am truly shocked and baffled after I discovered that you haven’t made any payment with respect to the consideration for the lecture. I respectfully demand your foreign registration number in order to facilitate the process of payment. Under the Personal Information Protection Act of the Republic of Korea, we are eligible to continuously possess your information received. If you do not answer to this request, we are delighted to seek any legal and injunctive measures permittee by law. Tha n you.

[윗님아]

내용이 완전 반대잖아요!!!

강사료 지급한다는데 뭔 u havent made any payment, 게다가 뭔 truly shocked and baffled

[satirev]

227님, 답변 너무나 감사드립니다ㅜㅜ