영어말하기 원고좀 봐주세요~

[급한 맘]

내일까지 원고를 내라고 하는데 초5 딸이 방금 겨우겨우 작성했습니다.미천한 영어실력의 엄마랑요.

자유주제라 스마트폰의 장단점과 주의사항에 관해 적었습니다.

부끄러운지 반친구랑 같이 스피치하겠다고 하는데 원고는 혼자 작성했습니다.

너무 이상하거나 어색한 문장만 좀 고쳐주세요.밤늦게 죄송합니다.ㅜㅜ

 

Hello everyone,my name is ***,and my name is ***.

Today, we are going to tell you about 'Using Smartphone".

Thesedays many people use smartphone,and students use a lot too.Even babies play with it.

Now we will talk about the advantages,disadvantages and precautions of using a smartphone.

 

딸이 먼저 말합니다.

First,I'll tell you about the advatages of smartphone.

We can search on a internet with it any time and anywhere.

We can use many useful applications just like Kakao Talk, dictionaries,and games.

It has big screen than normal cell phones and good camera features.

Besides we can watch videos and listen to musics like mp4.

 

친구

Next, it is about disadvantages .

The Smart phone is addictive.For example,games or  Kakao Talk.

If you use smart phone a lot,your eyesight is getting weak and decrease conversations between family.

Also when you see your friend's brand new smartphone you want to buy latest expensive phone.

 

Finally, if you really need smart phone or you already have it,you  make sure that you must follow some precautions.

First, parents shoud keep an eye on their child.

Second, you should put it away from you when you study and sleep.

Last, do not download a lot of applications and do not watch harmful videos.

Let's use smartphone smart!.

Thank you for listening for our story.

 

긴글 읽어주셔서 감사합니다.

아주 심하게 틀린부분만 고쳐주시면 감사하겠어요.

 

 

[아무리]

영어를 잘 쓴다해도 대부분 수상자들은 원어민의 원고 감수를 받습니다.

[원글]

저희는 지방이라 그런지 아주 잘하는 아이보다 청중과의 반응이나 열심히 하는 아이에게 상을 주는것 같습니다.물론 준비를 철처히 해야되고요.
학원다니는 아이는 원어민이 한번 봐주겠지만 저흰 학원을 안다니고있어서요.
감사합니다.

[감수 받으시는게]

좋을 것 같아요 인터넷에 영어감수해주는
사이트도 있거든요
곳곳에 어색한 표현들이 있네요

[원글]

이젠 넘 늦어서 안되겠네요.어색한 곳이 많다니 몇 곳이라도 고쳐주세요.ㅠㅠ
아이수준그대로 내자 하다가도 이왕이면 좀 말이 좀 되게 고쳐보자...싶네요.
좀만 더 기다려보다가 출력해야겠어요.
지식인에도 올렸는데 한분이 전체적으로 문제없고 한부분만 고쳐주시더라구요.
그래서 뭐 초등치곤 잘 했나? 하고 생각도 했었네요.ㅎㅎ

[Heavenly1]

Hello everyone, we are ***,and ***.

Today, we'd like to talk about 'How to Use Smartphones".

These days, smartphone is very popular in all ages, even with the babies.

Now we want to talk about the advantages, disadvantages and precautions of using a smartphone.

First, I'll tell you about the advantages of smartphone.

We can search the internet for all kinds of information, any time and anywhere.

We can use many useful applications like Kakao Talk, dictionaries, maps, navigation and games.

It has bigger screen than regular cell phones and great camera features.

Bigger screen is great for watching videos and pictures, and listening to musics.


Next, i'd like to talk about disadvantages .

Smart phone is addictive and you can spend too much time on games or Kakao Talk.

If you use smart phone a lot, your eyesight can get weaker, and you won't be spending too much time with your family or friends.

Also, how about jealousy? When you see your friend's brand new smartphone, you'll want to buy the latest, more expensive phone.


Finally, if you really need a smart phone or you already have one, you want to make sure that you follow some precautions.

First, parents should keep an eye on their child. (이거는 내용이 잘 맞지 않는 듯 - 아이들에게 하는 말인지 부모에게 하는 말인지)

Second, you should put it away when you study and sleep. Set a limit on when and where, and how long to use the smart phone.

Lastly, do not download a lot of applications and do not watch harmful videos.

Let's use smartphones smartly!.

Thank you for listening to our story.

귀엽네요

[원글]

혹시나 하고 아침 일찍 들어왔더니 이리 기쁠수가요.흑흑흑
너무 감사드립니다.고칠 부분이 너무 많으네요.^^*
좋은 하루되세요~