틀린거 좀 고쳐주시면 감사하겠어용~~

[강캔디]

저희딸 초등학생 4학년인데요 월요일날 발표할꺼라고 하네요.

틀린거 좀 찾아서 고쳐주시면 너무 감사하겠어요*^^*

 

Rabbit and turtle

Rabbit and turtle lived in one town.
Rabbit was very fast but the turtle was very slow.
So turtle was always teased from rabbit.
And then, turtle couldn't help himself to be patient so he said.
"Then, let's have a race for running."
Rabbit said
"Okay. Of course I will win."
Finally, when it was day to have a race, other animals gathered too.
"Ready, go!"
Then, rabbit ran so fast so no one could see and turtle was so slow.
Rabbit was arrived half of the race so rabbit decided to take a rest until turtle come.
And later, when rabbit woke up, rabbit could saw that turtle is shaking flag at arrive line.
Later, rabbit and other animals called the turtle 'intelligent rabbit'
instead of 'slow turtle'.
Rabbit wanted to win turtle so much so finally, rabbit went to other town.

토끼와 거북이가 한 마을에 살았다.
토끼는 매우 빨랐다. 하지만 거북이는 매우 느렸다.
그래서 거북이는 토끼에게 항상 놀림 받았다.
그러자 화를 참지 못한 거북이가 토끼에게 ''그럼 나와 달리기 경주를 하자''고 했다. 
토끼는 ''좋아 당연히 내가 이기지,''라고 했다.
드디어 달리기 경주날 다른 동물들도 모였다
''준비.출발''
그러자 토끼는 매우 빨리 뛰어서 보이지도 않았고 거북이는 매우 느리게 갔다.
절반쯤 도착한 토끼는 거북이를 기다리며 쉬기로 하고 잠들어 버렸다.
그리고 한참 후 토끼가 눈을 떴을 땐, 거북이가 도착지에서 깃발을 들고 서 있는 것이
보였다.
그 후 토끼와 다른 동물들은 거북이를 '느림보 거북'에서 '지혜로운 거북' 이라고
불러주었다. 거북을 이기고 싶은 마음이 가득한 토끼는 결국 다른 마을로 떠났다.

[..]

1.관사의 사용이 다 틀렸음
2. 예를 들면 느림보 거북은 slow turtle이 아니라 turtle the slow로 써 주는 것이 맞을 듯..
3. let's have a race for running 같은 문장은 tautology임. 간략하게 줄이시는 게 좋겠어요.
4. was arrived => arrived
5. arrive line => end line

한줄 한줄 고쳐드리면 좋겠지만 초등 4학년 수준이어야 하므로 이 정도만... ^^;

[..]

그리고 문장이 초등 4학년으로 보기에는 지나치게 고답적이예요. cannot help 구문 같은 것..

쉽게 써 가지 않으면 어른이 써 준게 금방 티가 나죠.

[how about this?]

Rabbit and Turtle

Rabbit and Trtle lived in one town.

Rabbit was very fast but Turtle was very slow.
So Turtle was always teased from by Rabbit
.
And then, Turtle couldn't help and he said.
"Then, let's have a race ."

Rabbit said
"Okay. Of course I will win."

Finally, when it was the day tthe race, other animals gathered too.
"Ready, go!"

Rrabbit ran so fast and tTrtle was so slow.

Rabbit was arrived half of the race so rabbit decided to take a rest until Turtle would come.

And later, when rabbit woke up, rabbit could see that Turtle was shaking flag at the finish line.

Later, Rabbit and other animals called the Turtle 'intelligent Turtle'

instead of 'slow Turtle'.

Rabbit couldn't stand the fact that he had not won so he moved to another town..

[...]

잠에서 깼다는 있는데 잠들어버렸다는 없네요.