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드러낼 수 없는 고민을 풀어보는 속풀이방

제발..ㅠㅠ영어 좀 봐주세요 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

영어바보 조회수 : 881
작성일 : 2011-11-30 18:39:48

안녕하세요!

저는 영어가 완전완전 바보인 학생입니다 ㅠㅠ

그런데 자꾸 학교에서 영어로 에세이를 써오라고 시켜요 ㅠㅠ

영어를 못하는데 주변에 도와줄사람도 없고 ㅠㅠ너무 속상합니당 ㅠㅠ

밑에는 제가 쓴 영어글 인데, 문법 틀린 부분이나 표현이 어색한 부분좀 가르쳐주세요 !! 제발 부탁드립니다!!

너무 못쓴거라서 부족한 부분이 넘 많겠지만 대충 읽어주시구 조금만 봐주세요 ㅠㅠ!!

잘하고 싶은데 영어를 너무 못해서 점수가 항상 낮게 나와요 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

제발 도와주세요 ㅠㅠㅠ흑흑 ㅠㅠ

꼭 부탁드립니다!!

 

Write about a person who has been very important to you in your life. Who is the person, and why has he or she been very important to you?

 

Who is your mentor in your life? Who is the most vital and treasure to you? Everyone has a important people in their lives. In my case, My parents are most vital people in my life of course. But, My high school teacher also very important person in my life. When I was a high school student, she was a my homeroom teacher. My teacher always cheer me up and motivate me to study so hard and help me get hope and passion. last year, I sent story about my teacher and song request to the radio station. And the story about my teacher was aired on Radio. Because she always concerned for me, I appreciate his interest. Also, thanks to my teacher, I could overcome difficulties that I had when I was a high school student.

One of the most difficult obstacle that I could overcome thanks to my teacher was the fact that I liked singers severely. Since I was 17, TVXQ was my favorite singing group. Although I was a student preparing for the College Scholatic Ability Test, I hardly studied and I always listened to their songs, bought their CD albums and went to their concerts. Also, Thinking of famous stars "TVXQ" hindered me of making decisions rationally. So, the result of an examination was drastically low. In these circumstances, my teacher helped me conqesting problem and advised about my problem. Therefore, as I respect homeroom teacher intensely, I tried not to listen TVXQ's music and not to think of them. Thereupon, I was enthusiastic about studying, and I could get over my obstacle because of my benefactor. Also, I didn't aspire to TVXQ any more and thinking of TVXQ faded away in my head. So, I totally overcame my obstacle.

Second obstacle that I could overcome thanks to my teacher was the fact that my English skills are very poor. My teacher also helped me raise my grades by making me become a very diligent student. In my case, I had difficulty in studying English. Since I was young, I had been poor at English skills. Because I was not interested in English and didn’t try to study English, My English scores are very low and terrible. So, I was really ashamed of myself and felt stressful. But, because my teacher is a English teacher and we are very intimate in special, she always worried about my obstacle and helped me studying hard like my family, And, gradually I was attached to her. therefore, I studied very hard to show my ability and live up to teacher's expectations. So, I think that I got over English skills gradually in some degree thanks to my teacher's help.

Decisively, thanks to my teacher, I could achieve and come true my dream. Because my homeroom teacher graduated from Ewha, my goal was entering Ewha Womans University when I was a high school student. fortunately, I was admitted Ewha Womans University before the College Scholatic Ability Test. I was admitted due to an essay test and the high school records. The fact that I tried to achieve my dream was totally because of my teacher. Without my teacher, I never couldn't have dream.

In conclusion, because my high school teacher has been very important to me in my life, until now, I have been respecting my teacher. And, whenever I feel sad and have difficulty in something to do, I think her and her love to me. Then, My feeling becomes better and feel happy. And, I feel reassured knowing that she will help me. Because my teacher is very vital person, I think that I'm a very lucky woman and, I will always appreciate my teacher during my life. Therefore, After I succeed at all costs, I will repay her kindness and, I also want to be a important person to her in her life.

IP : 183.101.xxx.26
7 개의 댓글이 있습니다.
  • 1. 내용
    '11.11.30 9:46 PM (114.142.xxx.15)

    수정 없이 문법에 치중해 고쳐봤는데 도움이 되시면 좋겠어요.

    같은 단어나 프레이즈 반복이 많습니다.

    컴마와 피어리어드 사용을 확실히 구분해 주시고요.(~ and ~를 쓸때 and 앞에 ,(컴마) 안 씁니다. 세개 이상 즉, ~, ~, and ~일때는 컴마 가능하고요.
    And를 문장 처음에 쓰실경우 그 뒤에 컴마 넣으셨는데 필요 없습니다.)

    'because' 같은 경우, 문장 처음에 사용하지 않도록 하세요.

    a와 an 사용 구분해 주시고요, 소유격 앞에는 부정관사 사용 할 수 없습니다.

    한영 사전 사용할경우 말이 이상해지는 경우가 좀 있는데... 이건 당장 고칠 수 없는 문제인거 같고요.
    이 정도면 잘 쓰셨어요. 자꾸 연습하시면 느실거예요. 저도 부족한 점 많은데 댓글이 없어서 주제넘게 나섰습니다.


    Who is your (‘my’ is better) mentor in your (my) life? Who is the most vital and treasure to you(me)? Everyone has a(no a) important people in their lives. In my case, My (my) parents are most vital people in my life, of course. But,(no comma) My(my) high school teacher(was) also (a) very important person in my life. When I was a high school student, she was a(no a) my homeroom teacher (class teacher is better). My teacher always cheer (cheered) me up and motivate(motivated) me to study so hard and help(helped) me get hope and passion. Last (Last) year, I sent (a) story about my teacher and (a) song request to the radio station. And the story about my teacher was aired on Radio.(no period) Because(because) she always concerned for(about) me,(no comma) and I appreciate(appreciated) his (her) interest. Also, thanks to my teacher, I could overcome difficulties that I had when I was a high school student.
    One of the most difficult obstacle (obstacles) that I could overcome thanks to my teacher was the fact that I extremely liked singers severely (no severely). Since I was 17, TVXQ was (has been) my favorite singing group. Although I was a student preparing for the College Scholatic(Scholastic) Ability Test, I hardly studied and I always listened to their songs, bought their CD albums and went to their concerts. Also, Thinking of famous stars "TVXQ" (thinking of “TVXQ” who are famous stars) hindered me of (from) making decisions rationally. So, the result of an examination was drastically low. In these circumstances, my teacher helped me conqesting(conquer) problem(a problem or problems) and advised about my problem. Therefore, as I respect (respected a ) homeroom teacher (class teacher) intensely, I tried not to listen (to) TVXQ's music and not to think of them. Thereupon, (‘By doing so’ sounds better) I was (became) enthusiastic about studying,(no comma) and I could get over my obstacle because of my benefactor. Also, I didn't aspire to TVXQ any more (anymore) and thinking of TVXQ faded away in my head. So, I totally overcame my obstacle.
    Second obstacle that I could overcome thanks to my teacher was the fact that my English skills are(were) very poor. My teacher also helped me raise my grades by making me become a very diligent student. In my case, I had difficulty in studying English. Since I was young, I had been poor at English skills.(no period) Because(because) I was not interested in English (at all) and didn’t (even) try to study English.,(.period) My English scores are(were) very low and terrible.,(comma) So(so,), I was really ashamed of myself and felt stressful. ((I was stressful of I felt stress) But,(no comma) because my teacher is(was) a(an) English teacher and we are(were) very intimate (with each other)in special, (omit ‘in special’)she always worried about my obstacle and helped(tried to encourage) me studying(to study) hard like my family.,(period) And ,(no comma) gradually(comma) I was attached to her. therefore, (Therefore or no period therefore,) I studied very hard to show my ability and live(d) up to teacher's expectations. So, I think that I got over English skills gradually in some degree(s) thanks to my teacher's help.
    Decisively, thanks to my teacher, I could achieve and come true my dream. (make my dream come true.) Because my homeroom teacher (class teacher was) graduated from Ewha (Womans University), my goal was entering(to enter) Ewha Womans University(the same university instead of Ewha Womans University) when I was a high school student. fortunately,(Fortunately) I was admitted (to) Ewha Womans University before the College Scholatic(Scholastic) Ability Test.(I assure that or I think that) I was admitted (to the school) due to an essay test and the high school records(my records of my high school years). The fact that I tried to achieve my dream was totally because of my teacher. Without my teacher, I never couldn't have dream. (I could never have dreamed.)
    In conclusion, because my high school teacher has been very important to me in my life, until now, I have been respecting my teacher.(I respect her because she is the one who has affected me the most in my life) And,(no comma) whenever I feel sad (I am sad or I feel sadness) and have difficulty in something to do (I am in a dilemma), I think (of) her and her love to(for) me. Then, My feeling becomes better (I feel better) and feel(become) happy. And,(no comma) I feel reassured (comfortable by) knowing that she will (would) help me (be there all the time for me instead of help me). Because my teacher is very vital person, I think that I'm a very lucky woman and, I will always appreciate my teacher during my life. Therefore, After (after) I succeed at all costs(omit at all costs), I will repay her kindness (I will repay for what she had done for me) and, (no comma) I also want to be a(an) important person to her in her life. (and will exert myself to be an important person as well.)

  • 2. 내용
    '11.11.30 9:49 PM (114.142.xxx.15)

    보시기 편하도록 수정 부분을 다른 색깔의 글씨로 했는데 여기로 옮겨오니 색이 안 나타나네요.
    명확히 떠오르는 단어가 없어 수정을 못했는데, vital을 다른 단어로 대체하시는게 좋을것 같아요.

  • 3. 영어바보
    '11.11.30 10:22 PM (183.101.xxx.26)

    우와 ㅠㅠ 너무너무 감사해요!!! ㅠㅠ보고 너무 감동받아서.. 눈물이 날뻔했어요 ㅠㅠ
    부모님도 보시고 너무 놀라셨어요
    저는 정말 영어를 너무 못하는데 주변에 영어 잘하는 분도 안계시고 ㅠㅠ 항상 점수도 낮아서 속상한 마음에
    그냥 82cook에다가 올렸는데, 아무도 대답안해주실줄 알았어요 ㅠㅠ
    글구 제 자신이 너무 바보같았는뎅ㅠㅠ흑 ㅠㅠ
    와.. 정말 형편없고 부족한 글을 ㅠㅠ 이렇게 친절하고 꼼꼼하게 설명해주시다니..너무 감사해요!!
    완전 감동받았어요
    정말 너무 좋으신분인것 같아요 정말정말 너무 감사드려요!!!!!
    아, 영어를 따라갈 수가 없어서 거의 포기 상태에 이르렀었는데,,,
    다시 희망이 생겼어요!!! 아!! 정말 열심히 영어 공부해야겠어요!!!^0^ 헤헤헤
    정말 은인이예요 ㅠㅠㅠ잊지않을 게요 정말
    이제 겨울이 오고있는데, 이렇게 좋은 분이 계신다는 것을 알고 맘이 후끈후끈 따뜻해졌어요 >_

  • 4. 11
    '11.11.30 10:26 PM (72.53.xxx.109)

    제 생각엔 전문적으로 교정 봐주시는분께 원고를 맏겨보심이 좋을거 같아요...
    특히 아무리 잘하는 분이셔도 관사 부분은 항상 문제가 생기기 마련이거든요...
    모닝 스타 퍼시픽이라는 업체 괜찮은거 같던데...
    한번 검색해보시고 하시면 돈을 조금 들이시더라도 더 나은 글이 나오지 않을까 싶네요!!

  • 5. 영어바보
    '11.11.30 10:33 PM (183.101.xxx.26)

    저 지금 공부하면서 또 보고있는데요 ㅠㅠ정말 너무너무 완벽해요!!우와ㅋㅋㅋㅋ영어 정말정말 너무 잘하시네요!!! 우와 짱이예요!! 글구 부러워요 ㅎㅎㅎㅎ
    저 정말 너무 많이 부족한것같아요 ㅠㅠㅋㅋ
    아!!! 너무 감사해서 탄식이 나와요!! ㅠㅠ
    너무너무 감사합니다! ㅠㅠ

  • 6. 마음에 드신다니
    '11.12.1 8:27 AM (114.142.xxx.15)

    다행입니다. 제가 직접 쓴 글이 아니고 있는 내용에 문법적인 부분만 수정을 하니 아직도 문맥상 어색한 부분은 있을겁니다. 지금 다시 읽다보니 어제 미쳐 발견 못한게 눈에 띄는데.. 두 번째 문장 My parents are most important.... most 앞에 the를 첨가해 주세요.

    제가 수정한 부분 보시면, 앞 문장의 period를 없애고 다음 문장을 그대로 이어주려 시도한 몇몇 문장들 보실 거예요.

    쓰신 문장들 보시면 너무 단편단편 짧게 끊어집니다. 가끔은 접속사 사용을 하셔서(such as that, wihch, who...) 문장을 세련되게 만드는 연습을 해보세요.

    여기에 장황하게 쓰기 뭐해 쪽지 보내기 시도해 봤는데, 게시판에선 안 되나보네요.

    지금 몇 학번 이세요? 저도 같은 학교 출신입니다. 글 읽으면서 반가웠습니다.^^
    학교 생활 잘 하시고요, 좋은 추억 많이 만드세요.

  • 7. ^0^헤헤헤
    '11.12.1 6:22 PM (183.101.xxx.26)

    우와♥!!!!!!!!!!!! 선배님이셨군요!!!!!!!!!!우와!!!!! 정말 너무 감동적이예요!!!

    저는 11학번이예요!^0^ 이제곧 1학년 생활이 끝나요 ㅠㅠ 어느덧 ㅎㅎ

    ㅠㅠ선배님 흐엉엉엉엉 정말정말 감사해요! 저두저두 나중에 후배들생기면 선배님처럼

    세상에서 젤 좋은 선배님이 되겠어요!!!!!!!^_^

    우왕우왕 저 과제가 진짜진짜 많지만 ㅠㅠ울 이화에는 넘넘 좋은 선배님들이 아주 많이 계시다는 생각을 갖

    구 훈훈한 마음으로 즐거운 학교생활 할게요!!ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ

    선배님두 언제나 행복하셔야돼요!!!!! 우헤헤헤 ^0^♥

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